We know our girlfriends go through happy times and hard times. Guest blogger, Shanae Miller, tells her moving story of getting past the pain of losing a child with the help of her wonderfully supportive family and friends.
September is a special month around Girlfriendology – it’s International Women’s Friendship Month (aka: #FriendshipMonth) and we’re celebrating with 30 great guest blogs filled with fabulous girlfriend advice and wisdom. Today we hear from Shanae how …
“The biggest loss in my life became the biggest gain of my life”
On February 12, 2004, I gave birth prematurely to my first child, Tyler. Total bliss and happiness is the best words to describe the way I felt. Although I was scared, my joy outweighed my fears. Due to complications from being a premature baby he passed away in my arms one month and two days later. To this day I can honestly say that I’ve never experienced the kind of joy he brought into my life. Unspeakable pain placed upon my heart to carry. I told myself so many times that my life was over and I couldn’t go on. (FYI – here’s girlfriend advice for a friend who’s grieving.)
I’m still here and so much stronger and overall a better woman. It was a tough road to go down for me. My life changed for the best and sometimes for the worst. I know for a fact that I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without him. Losing a child isn’t something you can prepare yourself for. I was so deep in my grief I had no clue if I was coming or going, or if I could make it. I attribute my breakthrough to my girlfriends and family. It’s so important to let people that truly want to be there for you do just that.
Friends and Family to Lean On
There were times that I didn’t want to be alone, and my friends would stay the night and we would sit up all night like teenagers. I needed those times to just focus on other things beside my pain. I cherished those moments because they were there for me when I needed them. Some days were better than others and I just wanted to cry and that was fine with them. Crying was my way of letting all the hurt, pain and guilt I had out, I would call it cleansing my soul. Everyone processes grief differently so there isn’t a wrong or right way to it. Just don’t let it consume you and stop you from living your day to day life.
“Never underestimate the power of your words.”
I started a journal and wrote about my feelings and about my son and it put me in control of my emotions. I go back and read that journal and I’m in “a-ha mode.” I read my growth and could see when my strength and confidence was on the rise. To see how far you have come makes you appreciate where you are in your life.
Moving on with your life after losing a child doesn’t mean you care less about them or you will lose your memories of them. You will always remember them and you will feel sad at times, it’s natural. I was scared to move on for a while. Then one year and one week later I had a beautiful little girl named Melah. I like to think that it was Gods way of blessing me with angel in heaven and on earth. Each year I get together with family and friends and celebrate my son’s life.
Shanae Miller, Single Mom, blogger/owner for “Single Southern Mommy” and radio host and part-time cooking instructor from North Carolina. Cooking is her passion and bringing back “table talk” to households everywhere is her goal. One cooking class at a time.
And, by the way, we LOVE guest blogs here at Girlfriendology. Have a great girlfriend story to tell? Want to celebrate your fabulous female friends? SHARE! (And, we also have Girlfriend Gurus – check that out to be featured on Girlfriendology!)
Note: It’s September – International Women’s Friendship Month (#Friendship Month) and we’re celebrating all month long! From this interview and guest blog by Miss America, to a month of women’s wisdom and 30 guest blogs, to our Newsletter Sign-up Contest and Facebook fun, and more! Don’t miss out on any of it! SIGN UP for our Newsletter and ‘Like’ us on Facebook to stay up to date with all the fun friendship festivities and more!
Our September Friendship Month Guest Blogs so far …
- Sept 1 – MISS AMERICA, Teresa Scanlan – The Importance of Friendship
- Sept 2 – Shasta Nelson, GirlfriendCircles – Friendship in Stages – Advice for more Meaningful Friendships
- Sept 3 – Kimberly Anderson, Kim’s Closet TV – Giving back to your community with a Friend
- Sept 4 – Lynn Gasior, Cabin Chicks – Girlfriend Memories and Traditions
- Sept 5 – Rachel Awes, Artist – The Art of Girlfriends
- Sept 6 – Flo Schell, Joyful Aging – Heartfelt Advice on Friendships
- Sept 7 – Cherie Burbach, author, About.com editor – How to Understand Your Girlfriend’s Health Problems
- Sept 8 – Susan Mallery, best-selling author – Three Lessons a Girlfriend Can Learn from Tim Gunn
- Sept 9 – Elizabeth Patch, artists, body image Girlfriend Guru – Conversations with Ourselves
- Sept 10 – Donina Ifurung, On High Heels – Girls and the Art of Togetherness
- Sept 11 – Jennifer Buehlre Williams, Mom / Journalist – A Mom’s / Girlfriend’s Point of View of 9/11
- Sept 12 – Shanae Miller, Single Southern Mommy – Girlfriend Advice from Deep in the Heart
Sign up for our weekly newsletter and get our FREE eBook ‘30 Days / 30 Ways to Be a Better Friend‘ – check it out!
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